Monday, March 21, 2005

(My) Song to Ella

Speak to me my angel

Humor this lonely loner

Chant a lullaby or two

Make him sleep and get thru

Hypnotize me with your hymn

Murder me with your rhyme

As I become numb by your melody

Don’t stop the song of remedy –

To all ills that gnaw me,

You! My drug against melancholy

Speak to me my angel

Humor this lonely loner.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Sprikitik

Nuon, ang problema mo lang
Tuwing katanghaliang tapat
Hostage ka ni nanay at di makapaglaro
Kelangang isubsob ang sarili sa yellow na Mag-aral at Bumasa
“Bababa ka ba? Oo baba na”

Sa isang iglap ng mata grade 6 ka na
March at graduation na
Puting puting toga at parang ibuburol
Sa long sleeves at sedang itim na pantalon
Habang ang itim na langit na pinalamutian
Ng lilang buwang hinahabi ang malungkot na ulap
Iyong pinapangarap kung anong magiging papel mo sa mundo.

Laro lang ng laro pagkat pag tungtong mo sa high school
Pormatiks ka na, lahat ng uso kelangan mong sumabay
Pag di nakiuso, baduy, di ma-appeal sa chicks
Mushy poems that can penetrate the heart
Kelangan ng eye galsses kahet di myopic para magmukhang smart
Bad trip talaga pag tinubuan ng warts

College life is the awakening
That life is not an apple
But a struggle to serve the people
And the world is very much praning –
The contradictions and philosophical underpinnings
Of a world where wealth is concentrated to a handful few
Becoming aware of this, subversive u are viewed.

Pero di lang ideyalismo ng kabayanihan meron sa college life
Collage ang college na isang di maintindihang sining
Andyan ang pakikipagsapalaran sa dimonyo katulong
Ang punyal ni San Miguel at mga balang kalamansi at
Isang pitsel na tubig upang labanan ang pait
Matinding pait. Mapapangiwi ka’t papangit
Pero pag di ka tumagay nakakakainggit
Ang barangay ng mga psychedelics na nakapiit!

Nandyan din ang lovelife Di na
“JAPAN – Just always pray at night” ang dialogue
Pa-deep na ang mg poems – habang di ka naiintidihan
Lalong feeling deep ka!
Tapos, tapos na college
(Minsan may post-graduate, pero extension
lang yun ng college days)


Pag nagtrabaho ka na,
Parang tapos na din ang buhay mo
Alipin ka na ng masalimuot na kamunduhan
Na ang alam mong mali nagiging tama
Ang alam mong pangit nagiging maganda
Ang alam mong serbisyo, nagiging pangsarili
Ang alam mo, nagiging di mo alam
Nagiging alipin ng salapi
Para may pangtustos sa pamilya.

Pag nagtrabaho ka na
Tapos na ang kwento
Tang na.



You can even reduce to a single sentence the decades you spent working. Pathetic.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Ninang

It was a Sunday morning that I last spoke to her. I even teased her I brought her lechon to help her recuperate immediately from her hypertension. She was lucid, alert from what is happening in the dampness of the ICU. She told me she was awaiting the doctor and she will be transferred to a regular room. She was waiting for an available room where she can rest. Her body gave in after some days off to Dumaguete where she took some vacation. After arriving in Bulacan from Dumaguete, she immediately hurried off to Baguio City. And a couple of days, the physical weary showed off. I had every reason to believe that it would not be our very last conversation – but I was wrong, as my Tuesday morning was shattered by a call from my wife informing me that somebody passed away. Again, it reminded me how mortal men are. Death and life, death being an unbearable lightness than living. She was our generation’s ninang, being the godmother of all the panganay na pamangkin. She was also my adviser in grade six, a teacher notoriously known for temperamental outburst. There was a time when flower vase in her table was being replaced on a weekly basis, as she kept it hurling outside every time her temper got on her way – a student who can’t comprehend simple grammar maybe, a cleaner who forgot to tidy the room maybe, a student who was not able to water the garden maybe, etc. Glad that she taught up to only the early 90’s (if my recollection is right), given the current society’s activist stance against physical punishment for children.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Tribute to a loyal friend

To them you are worthless
A bad habit of the soulless
But you are my loyal companion
Always ready to emit compassion

You are always at my side
Even if we have to cross that great divide
Your presence brings a great deal of hope
For me to be strong and cope

Whatever they say about you
All I know is you are true
You lighten me up when I’m down
My champion, my very own

Not affected by taut
I feel a tinge of regret
When I throw you out,
My cigarette

Monday, March 14, 2005

Terra Subconcious

She’s pretty
Ang amo parang kalapati
Pag nasilayan ang yong ngiti
Ako’y natutunaw paunti-unti

She’s pretty
Ang bait pati
Gusto kitang kahati
Kasama sa buhay parati

She’s pretty
Kagandaha’y nakakabigti
Pansinin mo naman ako kahit konti
Coz you are so pretty

the hardcore version (every man succumbs to this once in a while, no hypocrisy pls)

She’s pretty

Pero amoy titi

Nangblow-job ba o nangbati

Sya’y talagang makati

She’s pretty

Ang libog pati

Kahit na may kahati

Solve na solve pa rin parati

She’s pretty

Pahinga ko’y konti

Isusubo nya ule paunti-unti

Next round sa bakanteng lote

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Gone

One minute of silence
That cuts through the
Eternity of noises
Has commanded time to cease breathing
And has blown up my life.

An eternity of noises
My words, her words, their words
All the worlds collided, careening to the
Cliff of bigotry
Then everything stood still…………

As the bitter pill of truth dawn on me
You are packing your things to flee
I wanted to stop you but did not
I even dared you not to come back.

That one minute of eternal silence
So excruciatingly long but so unenduring fast
One minute of clarity and confusion blowing my mind.
No other minute to get rid of my pride.

Now emptiness is my companion
Fleeting noises of silence
Eternal silence of noises
I am empty without her.

Barbie, revisited

Ok, ok, this article is inspired by Enzo’s Falling for a Rock Star. Well, in a world submerged in hypocrisy and utter forgetfulness about the things learned from kindergarten, it’s a relief that the Pinoy music scene has been on the resurrection mode like a Phoenix rising from the ashes caused by bubble gum pop and bold star moaning, err singing. Personally, I can stand the latter, but not the bubble gum pop whose singers are often confused whether they are destined for a music career or as product endorsers. Well early to mid-90’s saw Pinoy rock at its peak, which produced the best talents – from existential angst of Yano to the melancholic yearnings of Sugar Hiccup. However, as wolves in the music capitalist industry scampered to find new bands, a flood of mediocre poseur bands joining the bandwagon is enough to turn the tide away from these talented artists to a corporate-accepted coño bands. And yes, starlets too, but their stars’ luster seem to shine more in lustful incantations than music.

Enough for the introduction. Back to Enzo, I can’t blame him if he is falling for a rock star. In a Pinoy culture where women are supposed just to live normal lives either by finding a career in the corporate jungle or find a husband and be submissive to his whim for eternity, or both, choosing the road less traveled that leads to the path of being a musician is a feat in itself. A musician is very, very different from a singer. A musician creates music, stretching the bounds of imagination beyond the limit, while the singer just, well, sings. If you are confused, compare the music of the Beatles from the songs of Britney. If I am still in my teens, or early twenty, I may have done what Enzo did, as I also, once upon a time in my life, used to compose poems, no matter how mushy and amateurish they may sound.

But to his rock star. I did hear about her when she was still at HYP, but I was not able to listen to her music. Maybe, my first impression was she was too coño for my taste. While walking in the busy street of Taft, I noticed that some pirated CDs were being sold at P20 apiece. I bought Barbie’s Cradle first CD even if I did not know any single music it contains since I thought it’s cheaper than a pack of Marlboro. Hey, don’t get me wrong. I don’t endorse nor take a stand about the intellectual property rights debate here, I just narrating how I was acquainted with BC’s music. After I put the CD in my rack, it gathered dust for months, until a friend texted me and informed me that BC was playing in Malate and their music was great. That made me curious and I immediately played BC’s music.

And was it a great experience. Here was a young angelic poet reciting her feelings with all honesty. “Untouchable Ones” nearly made me fell from my chair.

Then came “Money for Food”, which I bought in original CD. Well, I did try to buy original copy of BC’s first CD, but they are always out of stock – calling Mr. Music Executive here. Barbie’s rendition of “Para sa Akin” was superb.

The third album, Playing in the Fields, was launched and I found it less inspiring than the first two. I always thought that music and religion, or ideology, don’t make a good partner. With the exception of Gary Granada, Buklod and U2, music with political undertones are somewhat political statements accompanied by melody – they seem not to blend with each other. Similarly, BC’s music in Playing in the Fields, some of which carry religion undertones, seem somewhat compromised, if you compare it to the spontaneity of the first album.

Soon thereafter I joined BC’s yahoo group. I tried to establish contacts to those who share my enthusiasm with Barbie, to participate in discussions and share my views. The yahoo group is a microcosm of the society – you can read e-mail ranging from the mundane to the most sublime. But I also got updates on BC’s gig schedule. Thus, I was able to watch BC’s album launching at SM and Glorietta.

Given the amount of e-mail I am receiving from the group compared to the little time I can spare – being a slave to a corporate master – I soon became a lurker, reading what available e-mails I can, without having time to answer back. However, there was one question by a member in the group that struck me –if Barbie’s not been pretty, would her music still sound great?

Well as I said before, it’s not the face, per se, that attracted me to Barbie, it’s her music that I greatly admire, although her pretty face is a plus. The way she sings her music and the way her guitar weeps and rejoices with her words are onslaught to every one’s emotions. In a society where success is measured in terms of the material rewards, real artists are those who are brave enough to travel the road almost forgotten by the material world. Just don’t let anybody, particularly the commercialist junkies, curtail your creative power, Barbie!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

My friend asked me to comment on this article, and i find some raeson to share my thots:

> "If production gives to the producer the right to exclusive possession and> enjoyment, there can rightfully be no exclusive possession and enjoyment of> anything not the production of labor; for the right to the produce of labor> cannot be enjoyed without the right to the free use of the opportunities> offered by nature. To admit the right of property in gifts of nature is to> deny the right of property in the produce of labor. When nonproducers can> claim a portion of the wealth created by producers, the right of the> producers to the fruits of their labor is to that extent denied.>>> "Taxation, like slavery, is wrong because it seizes the fruits of someone> else's labor without their permission. It makes no difference whether the> tax collector is a government or a land holder; taxation is still wrong.> Any institution that places a ny portion of the product of labor and/or> capital into the hands of nonproducers is the moral equivalent of taxation.> Public taxation is immoral and private taxation, recognized as such or not,> is equally corrupt.>>> "Natural resources are not the fruits of human effort; capital is. Capital> is not essential for human life; natural resources are. Natural resources> are fixed in supply; capital is not. Capital holdings do not penalize or> hamper the private producti on of wealth; natural resource holdings do. The> just ownership of capital is demonstrable by tracing its origin in> production; ownership of natural resources is demonstrable only by the> say-so of the current government.>>

Here is my two-cent's worth:

Pre, hebigat nito ah. Am just a sick soul trying to eke out my day to daysubsitence in a jail doubling as a bankers' bank hehehheheh......Anyway, the central thesis here is what a libertarian make. If libertarian means the pursuit of individual happiness, per se, then the author is libertarian.But if libertarian means the pursuit of individual happiness towards the greater goal of collective happiness then he may not be. I tend to incline on thelatter, for libertarianism is also a function of equity and fraternity --remember the motto of the famous French revolution that toppled the monarchy (well what transpired after the revolution is another story, or history).Taxation by its nature is designed to make public goods public, as econ 151teaches. Who would want to produce non profitable activities, but have highpublic externalities than the government -- and where it can get its revenues.Bad governments that embezzle money from taxes does not make this irrelavant --what is irrelevant and of question is the behaviour of that government, not theconcept of taxation itself. If the community can be designed in a schumpeteriansetting, where the government will act like board of directors (assume theprinciapl agent dillema is already eradicated), then in a way natural resourcescan be freed from ownership and public and private sector may be allowed tocompete for those. Again, who will be there to look after the masa?

Of Sudden Burst of Emotional Adrenalin

Winds howling at the disbelievers
Birds and hawkers perform operatic psalms
Honks and coughs share their the riotous noise
Unnoticed.

I drive in a moonless sky
Stars have retired and all above is black
I puff my cigarette very casually
Unmindful of the beauty amid darkness.

My only companion summons the smoke
That dances as the wind sings its lullaby
One stick after the other
I resign in this boring routine.

Where once repository of honeybee
Where once the mouth of the river
That explorers pass for adventurous voyage
Lies a decrepit land of desert sand

Five years have gone and my life slips
Though through their eyes I succeed
Car, house, good education for my kid
What else do I need?

But I never make a difference
I lick the whims of demigods
Become numb and indifferent
What else do I need?

I need to kick darkness till it bleeds daylight!

FOR: Trillanes, Gambala, et. al

FOR: Trillanes at Gambala, et. al

Kahit pa sabihin nilang
The end does not justify the means –
Na lubos kong pinniniwalaan –

Kahit na ang dulot ng pag-aaklas
Ay pagsubasob ng ekonomiya –
Na lalong hagupit sa mahihirap –

Kahit na may kumakalat na
May nilikom kayong pondo –
Mula sa mga taong swapang –

Nanatili akong naniniwala
Na ang inyong aksyon ay isang
Tulak ng idealismo –

Idealismo. Pundasyon ng hindi makasarili
Kaakibat ng mga kabataan
Isang suryal na panaginip sa iba
Dambana ng kagitingan sa kin.

Kung lahat lang magiging idealistic
Malamang wala ng mutiny
Wala na ring mapaniupil ng institusyong
Kagaya ng kinapapalooban ko.

Dense

Three times Christ was denied
How many times will I deny my feelings?

Countless times Nostradamus was ignored
How many times will I ignore my feelings?

Many times Ninoy Aquino was tortured
How many times will I torture my feelings?

They say the world is an apple
How I wish!!!










I am Demented by your presence
Demonize by your beauty
And Abuse by your being…….




An ode to
Romance and love
Every night
Eternally!
Ang buhay
Raming problema
Lalo na pag
Eto na naman
Nagpapakyut
E kasi, labs kita

Suffer my Desire

Exorcise the spell
that haunts my weary bones
that feeling I am just mortal to quell
that brings enjoyment and pain
I suffer my desire for you
I lie to cling for this truth
I flagellate to make myself soothed
I die just to live -- for u
(I feel that u feel)
the same breadth
I have my spell on you
but were u braver than me
and throw caution to the sea?

Siwang

Valentine
Intayan
Awayan
Tawanan

Tanggihan
Taguan
Sa katotohanan
Aminan
Sa kalokohan

Valentine
One time
Sabihan
Ng katotohanan
Umiral katorpehan
Bayag napunta sa lalamunan

REQUIEM OF THE DAY

It remains a mystery
How I fall into reverie
It is hard not to be free
But this feelings I can't flee

Ignore you, it can't be
I am eluded by sleep
As my heart quietly weeps
To have me hanging in a cliff

You're here but your not
It's a labyrinth of plots
In you, reality blots
You are my Gordian knot!

Agam Agam

Sa kaibuturan ng kadilimang bumalot
Sa isang buhay na masalimuot
May isang munting lamparang kukurap-kurap
Upang tanglawan ang sarap sa gitna ng paghihirap

Nais unawain ang tunggalian
Lapatan ng konkretong katinuan
Ang araw-araw na pakikipagsapalaran
Sadya nga bang puro tarantahan

Heto’t nakapiit sa selda ng katanungan
Upang lumaya, kailangang gapusin?
Upang mabuhay, kailangang utasin?
Upang yumaman, kailangang goyoin?

Ang trabahong selda ng kawalan –
Ng pagpapaunlad sa aking sarili –
Ay kailangan upang maibsan ang kawalan –
Ng pangmortal na pangangailangan..

Subalit ako’s isang mortal lang
Kaya madaling bumigay sa pagsubok?
Mahina at mapait at mapusok
Kaya kalayaa’y pinanghihimasukan?

O sadyang yanong duwakang?
Ayaw harapin ang hatol ng tadhana
Kuntento na sa aircon na selda
Kaya puro dahilan ang ipinaparada?

Anatomy of Love

In the conquering darkness of the night
The little firefly shows its might
But a spider woos and lures it to its den
A sumptuous meal before the night end
Love is betrayal

The spider embroiders its web
Arranging its finely woven thread
As a present to his mate
So she can lay her eggs safe
Love is trust

Then the spider was caught in a storm
All that is happy turned gloom
He lost his mate, his palace spurned
He walked solitarily amid the litter of spawn
Love is fate

But all that has been said and done
There is no greater love than love
Love turns betrayal into truth
Love thrusts trust into loath
Love is conquered but conquers all
Love is fated to make history

Just be sure to realize when there is one!

Pakitong kitong

Nahaling sa maj-hong
Ang new age na si Dong
Ayaw magbigay ng tong
Pinakain ng kangkong

Ng ulyaning si Tolong
May-ari ng barong-barong
Ang kilos parang pagong
Ang amoy parang bagoong

Kaya itong si Mokong
Kay Tolong di umurong
Pitsang hawak tumulong
At ibinalibag kay Tolong

Anti Burgis I

Pawis na malapot ang puhunan
Ang galit na araw hindi alintana
Ngawit sa balakang hindi pansin

Ang himig ng hangin ang kalaguyo
Ng hele ng tagak at pipit at maya
Ngiting matamis pantawid sa uhaw
Mahinahong mukha pamatay sa gutom

Mata’y hindi magkamayaw, pagmasdan
Ang gintong lupaing hitik sa pag-ibig
Ating pagsaluhan, ating pagtulungan
Ang palay ng buhay ay anahin na!

(San ka makakita na burgis na mag-aapreciate ng kabukiran?)

JOB STREET

Drowning in the ocean of suffering
The world has disowned me, disrobed me
Robbed me of my sanity, prostituted my decency

Am back where I begun
Savagery rules, the fittest survive
The rich eats the poor

But I am neither rich nor poor
Neither for the rich nor for the poor
I devour and being swallowed at the same time

Is this the glory of civilization?
A rat race perform by muscular beings
A weeping circus that make spectators laugh
All for the glory of power, money and power?

Material instincts, spiritual transgressions
Jailed and tortured in this box of life

My Tormentor, My Friend, My Lover.

Gulag ng Pag-ibig

Suntok sa moog na katotohanan
Umagos ang mainit na dugo ng hinagpis
Habang ang yelo ng panaginip
Ay unti-unting natutunaw ng mapait
Na telesine ng realidad

Subalit bawat ngiti mo ay isang magnet
Upang akoy gumewang gewang sa
Katinuan. Bakit nga ba ganito ang
Udyok ng tadhana…..

Habang ikaw ay walang pakialam sa musika
Ng aking panibugho
Ako ay isang presong nagdurusa sa
Selda ng kabaliwan….

Recovered Docs

My blog has inspired me to tinker with my old files, and lo and behold! I have found some treasures which could otherwise have been left to eat some space in my CPU. Now, I have the reason to paste them in my site. Some are poems – mushy, angst, anything I could think of. Funny my wife was filled with envy trying to interrogate me who was my object of my affection in one of my mushy poems. When I answered none – the poem just came to my mind like a flash of lightning cutting the darkness – she won’t believe it. Good heavens that after a thousand and one words and seven objections, she relented to my thesis – which is honestly the truth. Another one is a reaction from a YOU article on Barbie, me being a big fun of her. Long before Kitchie Nadal stole the fancy of the youth there was – and still is – Barbie making magic through her music. I have other treasures – some of which were penned in scraps of paper which I will try to input to this site. I just need some time to collate them all. These will be my first contributions, as my work has been eating most of my creativity – and time – so as to enable me write a thing as great as Catcher in the Rye, or God of Small Things perhaps – hey, we both have “Roy” in our name so it must be (il)logical that I also have to write one as well. On weekends, I can’t resist the idea of playing maj-hong – my escape to reality and the leveler of things. At least in maj-hong, I find myself in total command as to what decision I have to make. Talk about power, or the lack of it. But my vow is to tinker with status quo, a confessed non-conformist that I am and make contributing to this site my first priority. So hopefully I get inspired and words will get naturally out of mouth – or computer – to tell stories, lambaste poor quality of works, expressed sensitivities through my poetry, do reviews, play critique and stop being a bystander! Pete Lacaba once said – it is not possible not to get involved, to be a spectator forever ( I still remember my UP days, how the exuberance in youth in me has become anachronistic in my corporate jungle!, but this is another story). So these recovered docs will measure my (lack of) creativity in 5 years of my drab existence here, plus my vow to raise my kid and wife to their standards (their standards and society’s I guess are not that distinguishable). I remember Jim Carrey said in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind that his life is not that interesting – work, home, work. I hope this site douse warmth, not wrath, to the cold water!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Why the name.

I've alwys thought I'm a walking contraction, a breathing oxymoron, a conformist's non-conformist. Any more methapohor? Well, at last this is my first article, and I have to make this at least interesting. For five years, i have been apppendage to the the machine, as Marx aptly calls it. I have to provide the basics for my fanmily and being a breadwinner, this entail swallowing and giving up everything, even one's freedom. And rubbing salt to the injury, what better -- or worse place -- when u find yourself in the most repressive situation. Then freedom, thus, becomes a theroretical underpinning whose basis can be contorted to suit one's conditions. Freedom becomes how you are able to support your family, freedom becomes the ability to purchase material things and embrace consumerism to the hilt. Freedom becomes the very thing you detested about once in your life. Which brings me to the movie "THe Paper' where Michael Keaton was reminded by his wife that he has become the someone whom he used to hate. Well, one can argue that the problem is choice -- remember the architect telling Neo. Yup, that may be so, but as Ally MacBeal said, i am a victim of my decision -- or on the second thought the lack of alternative decision.